Opportunities…

Sometimes, as Army wives, it may seem like our stories go unnoticed. I know… I have felt that way too. There are those rare opportunities, though, when someone gives us the chance to make our story real for those who may not "get it ". This week, I have been given one of those rare opportunities… the chance to show the world how we live. So, in typical me fashion, I lifted the flood gates, and began looking for those people who have a good story to tell. I cannot begin to describe the many Army wives I encountered. Ladies who want the world to know that, although this life can be rough, it is such an amazing opportunity to really "live" life.

In my research, I encountered women who have been through five deployments since 2003, women who have lost friends and loved ones in this war, women who have never experienced a deployment but still feel the tremendous impact on their communities. These stories are inspirational to say the very least. Sometimes I look at life only from the inside out; this story gave me an opportunity to view this life from the outside in. These gracious women have opened their hearts, and allowed me a glimpse at their honest, humble, patriotic lives. While looking for these stories, I spoke with many an Army wife who has a completely negative opinion of the war in Iraq; call it what you will… to me, if good men and women are dying for my freedom, it is a war. It was hard to not form a biased opinion of these spouses, but I realized that by doing so, I would contribute to their negative attitudes and outlooks. If I have said it once, I have said it a million and one times… we live a very unique life. Embrace it, and make the most of it; we only have one life to live.

To those of you who feel scared to tell your story, I completely understand. My only option in life is to tell anyone and everyone I can about this life. The more we "hide", the less the world will really know. I personally do not want to leave it up to the biased media outlets to interpret my life the way they feel necessary. I feel that it is my duty as an Army wife, past, present and future, to show the world that our lives are real and, if nothing else, inspirational. We have a choice in life… to live life to the fullest or to find the negatives in each and every aspect. I choose to live fully; if that means inspiring others to do so, then so be it. Please tell your story… leave your legacy for those who will surely follow in your footprints.

This Road We Travel…

Sometimes I feel like people's first instinct upon learning I am an Army Wife is to feel sorry for me. I don't understand it, but it is true. I guess I probably felt this way at one point also; long ago, before I joined these ranks. Tonight, I want to describe to you this road I (we) travel.

I have moved 12 times in the past 8 years… 12 times. I'm not joking either. Here goes… Allana and I left Florida in July of 2002 and moved to Keesler Air Force Base in Biloxi, Mississippi. We stayed at Keesler until the end of October. From Mississippi, we moved to Davis-Monthan Air Force Base in Tucson, Arizona. After a ton of debate, I thought it would be better to finish some schooling in Florida, and in May of 2004 I packed the two kiddos up and moved home-for 4 months. In August we moved back and into a new house on post in Tucson. It was here that Eric and I made the greatest military friends we could have ever asked for, Melissa and Chris! In April of 2005, Eric was getting ready to go to Army OCS, so the Air Force moved us back home to Florida while he went through some training. September 29^th 2005 took us to Fort Bliss in El Paso Texas…. Get ready folks. We got a house on post at Bliss immediately, stayed there for 1 year before we were moved into new quarters. We lived in the new house for a year and then thought it would be better to move home while Eric toured Korea. After 4 months at home, in which I realized that everyone's life was basically too non-military for me, I moved back to El Paso. I was lucky enough to move into the house that connected to my old backyard, and also to my great friends Kristi and John! The great thing about Bliss was that, even with all of the moves, Kristi, Kristin and I were always within one house of one another! At the time, we did not realize the blessing of that; we all do now. Eric was gone until May of 2009, and as soon as he returned, we were packing up to head to Fort Sill. After a six month school, the moving truck came once again, and packed us off to Fort Stewart. I have always been lucky enough to move directly into on post housing (except in Tampa…), and at Stewart I moved into a 3 bedroom while I waited for a four bedroom. We moved here in December of 2009, and by May, 2010, I was in my new and, hopefully last home on Stewart. Go on, I know you want to count them up…. It's 12 (TWELVE) moves, I promise. Note though that most of our moves are during summer. I know that if it is a mistake to move, I always have time to get the kiddos back into the routines they left (which often times we did). Think of it as a vacation of sorts….. just crazy Nikki style.

My point to all of the rambling, though, is because I want you all to know that this road I have traveled is awesome. On this road, I meet the most amazing people. We are all so different, but the main bond that we all have is that we do this life together. In how many arenas in life will you move to a new place, and know; just know, that there will be someone to greet you with open arms when you get there. I can pretty much guarantee that from here on out, anywhere I go there will be someone I know. And, by know, I don't just mean know…. I mean someone whose shoulder has supported many of my tears, or whom has cried on mine… someone who has made me a meal when I had a baby; or whom I have cooked one for. Gals I have volunteered many an hour with! Yes, we military wives do volunteer work you could not begin to even compete with! Believe me you couldn't. Ready for the volunteer acronyms? FRG, PTA, PWOC, ACS, AFTB, AFAP, USO, FSOSC, FSPSC, FBOCSA, MSEC and MCC… to name a few. And, yes, I have volunteered some time with each of these groups, as have many others I know. Ask my friends how many times I have gotten them to "help me out" with something that I volunteered to do. Not one of them has EVER complained- well, not to me anyway. It's not only the sad times when we are there to support one another… you know those homecoming photos many of you non-military people find so fascinating? Those are generally taken by one of these awesome individuals. Many times, they go to welcome a friends spouse home when theirs is still away… just to take the pictures. Now, that's a true friend. When I am having a bad day, or even a good day for that matter, I hang a mini-flag out front that says "Happy Hour", and these friends come and hang out. They even bring food and drink along.

The down side to this road we travel is that we very frequently say "goodbye". For all the times we meet someone new, we add a face to say goodbye to. It's beyond difficult, and at the time, it honestly feels like the end of the world. Soon after that moving truck unloads our shipment at our new location, though, there is new; usually friendly face to say hello to. You think it's hard to form an attachment in the civilian world- you have no idea. The point to my story is this… This is the road I CHOSE to travel. Don't feel sorry for me. It is an HONOR to live this life as I do. Thank you for paying my hubby's salary my dearest civilian tax payer friends (oh, we pay taxes too, so technically, we contribute to our own salary…). I love that I have been given the opportunity to travel, see new places, and meet new and awesome people. And don't forget the best part, the man who walks through my door wears a smokin' hot uniform. This IS the road we travel…

What “IT’S” like….. aahhh, figuring out where to start when answering this question is a difficult task in itself. Let me start by asking if you really want to know. Many of you may think you do, but really don’t. You ask because it is something you’ll never understand, and it has a stigma about it that may seem kinda cool, but mostly it’s not. It’s just our life; a choice we made together nearly 9 years ago on that fateful day in 2001.

I love being an Army wife; honestly I do. However, I am not the most Patriotic, the proudest, or the strongest. I am just me. On this journey I have met the most amazing women, honestly these gals have the courage of Daniel and the patience of Job, and many times are stronger than the military guys they so proudly stand behind. So, here goes…. The honest and brutal truth; like many of you have asked for.

Currently the other half of our house is gone. Gone, and not the kind of gone where he calls and talks to the kids and I every night before bed and when we wake in the morning. Instead, he calls at the most inopportune times of day… and, many times I fuss at him for his timing. Unfair? Yes I know, but try living it. Not gone, as in, we will see you in a few days time. No, he is gone… we will see you in seven months before you must leave us again type gone. Every time Abbi sees him on the computer she asks “are you coming home now daddy?”, and it has only been 5 weeks; only 47 more to go. Angelina says nearly daily that her daddy may die (brutal, but it is true). I try and tell her that it won’t happen, and then I remember “IT” might. How do I comfort her without completely lying. Yes, I know, anyone can get hit by a car, but most people don’t live their lives day in and day out wondering if a knock will surprise them at dinner time, or bath time. That’s how I live; when the doorbell rings, I am always on pins and needles. Have you ever had an argument with a hubby who is not there? I do, almost daily. So if you see me screaming at myself, don’t be alarmed, it’s called coping, and I do it well. Had it out with God? I do it frequently, but you know what? He gets it. Most of the time, my house is more messy when he is here. You wanna know why? Because I CHERISH those times. When he is gone, I am a compulsive cleaner… because it makes me feel better to run around and take my anger out on something, and when people stop by I want them to think I have it “all” together. I don’t, but it looks like it. Our family and friends at home mostly don’t get it. Try answering questions from people who have never lived “it”… questions like “Aren’t you afraid he’ll cheat?”, and my answer is just to laugh. No, he won’t cheat, he actually goes “on business” to work is my usual reply; to which I get some pretty awful faces, but it is true. “Aren’t you scared he’ll die?”; um, yes (what a stupid question!). “Why don’t you visit more?”; well, because it is hard with three kiddos to just pack it up and go… really hard. Not to mention, if something does happen, they will notify me at my house. They will call here if he gets hurt, the will knock at my door if worse.

But, I LOVE MY LIFE! I truly do. The feeling I get when he gets on that bus or plane most people will never feel. You could never be that proud, unless you have lived “it”. And, the feeling when the get off that bus is…. Well, honestly, I can’t describe it really. It’s beyond words. The best part? He loves his job. He was never made to sit a desk and push paper. He tried it, and it did not work. We were not happy. We’re adventurous, and this is the ultimate adventure!

In a Nutshell

Well, I decided recently that, since my last blog was lacking in posts, I would start a brand new one.... One I am determined to update as often as I possibly can. Life here in Ackles' land is always full of unique, fun and challenging moments. With three girls, you can imagine how busy one "single" mom can become. No, I am not single, but much of the time I am going it alone. In just this short summer we have all (yes, all 5 of us) conquered another birthday, said goodbye to daddy (yet again), Done Disney (yep, me and the three things), gone on a road trip by choice, not necessity, and came home to start a school year anew!

Eric spends his days wasting away in a Margaritaville type setting... well, kind of. From what I gather there are palm trees and a lot of sand, cigar smoking and starry nights. He misses us and we miss him, but we knew what we were getting into when we thought this through together. I could never match the pride I felt watching him get on that bus and fly away on that plane; he looked smokin' hot in those ACU's and I was simply proud he was mine.

Our girls are growing quickly... too much so, it seems. Gone are the sleepless nights and days spent at home. My life has become a giant carpool! It seems I never quit running between the three little ladies. My baby has started pre-school!!! Allana is loving swimming, and Angelina seems like she is soon to follow; although she likes to dance also. Abbi will be moving up in her own swim classes this fall; as well as toddler gymnastics stuff here on post.

I am back in the swing of thing here at Fort Stewart. I forgot what it was like to have to completely start all over at another post! I miss Fort Bliss, but I am slowly adjusting to Infantry land. I am volunteering a great deal, like always, and I love it!