What “IT’S” like….. aahhh, figuring out where to start when answering this question is a difficult task in itself. Let me start by asking if you really want to know. Many of you may think you do, but really don’t. You ask because it is something you’ll never understand, and it has a stigma about it that may seem kinda cool, but mostly it’s not. It’s just our life; a choice we made together nearly 9 years ago on that fateful day in 2001.

I love being an Army wife; honestly I do. However, I am not the most Patriotic, the proudest, or the strongest. I am just me. On this journey I have met the most amazing women, honestly these gals have the courage of Daniel and the patience of Job, and many times are stronger than the military guys they so proudly stand behind. So, here goes…. The honest and brutal truth; like many of you have asked for.

Currently the other half of our house is gone. Gone, and not the kind of gone where he calls and talks to the kids and I every night before bed and when we wake in the morning. Instead, he calls at the most inopportune times of day… and, many times I fuss at him for his timing. Unfair? Yes I know, but try living it. Not gone, as in, we will see you in a few days time. No, he is gone… we will see you in seven months before you must leave us again type gone. Every time Abbi sees him on the computer she asks “are you coming home now daddy?”, and it has only been 5 weeks; only 47 more to go. Angelina says nearly daily that her daddy may die (brutal, but it is true). I try and tell her that it won’t happen, and then I remember “IT” might. How do I comfort her without completely lying. Yes, I know, anyone can get hit by a car, but most people don’t live their lives day in and day out wondering if a knock will surprise them at dinner time, or bath time. That’s how I live; when the doorbell rings, I am always on pins and needles. Have you ever had an argument with a hubby who is not there? I do, almost daily. So if you see me screaming at myself, don’t be alarmed, it’s called coping, and I do it well. Had it out with God? I do it frequently, but you know what? He gets it. Most of the time, my house is more messy when he is here. You wanna know why? Because I CHERISH those times. When he is gone, I am a compulsive cleaner… because it makes me feel better to run around and take my anger out on something, and when people stop by I want them to think I have it “all” together. I don’t, but it looks like it. Our family and friends at home mostly don’t get it. Try answering questions from people who have never lived “it”… questions like “Aren’t you afraid he’ll cheat?”, and my answer is just to laugh. No, he won’t cheat, he actually goes “on business” to work is my usual reply; to which I get some pretty awful faces, but it is true. “Aren’t you scared he’ll die?”; um, yes (what a stupid question!). “Why don’t you visit more?”; well, because it is hard with three kiddos to just pack it up and go… really hard. Not to mention, if something does happen, they will notify me at my house. They will call here if he gets hurt, the will knock at my door if worse.

But, I LOVE MY LIFE! I truly do. The feeling I get when he gets on that bus or plane most people will never feel. You could never be that proud, unless you have lived “it”. And, the feeling when the get off that bus is…. Well, honestly, I can’t describe it really. It’s beyond words. The best part? He loves his job. He was never made to sit a desk and push paper. He tried it, and it did not work. We were not happy. We’re adventurous, and this is the ultimate adventure!